Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Breaking Up & Moving On: 10 Ways to Get Through it

Break ups suck. Moving on can be hard. Feelings about exes can be weird.

And today was a weird day for me.

Today I found out that my ex-husband got engaged.

I wasn't shocked by this news. I won't go into all the details but he has been dating the same girl since we broke up. It's been almost 3 years since then so by no means are any of the feelings fresh.

Things have been processed, everyone has moved on, but it's still a little weird. How I'm feeling is something that I can't explain besides... weird.

It's weird to think about the person I thought I'd share the rest of my life with is now spending his with someone else.

And it's weird that I'm not upset by it.

I'm not sad, I'm not jealous, I'm not wishing for something different in my life. And I'll probably be done thinking about it by the time I'm done writing this post :) I'm happy exactly where I am in life!

I actually wish them the best. And that's not something I ever thought I would say.


Having a marriage end was easily the most heartbreaking and hardest thing I've ever had to go through but I know God had a plan throughout it all. I truly believe that and that's what has gotten me through many sleepless nights, intense feelings of unwanted-ness and like something was wrong with me, or thinking that I wasn't pretty or fun enough to keep a guy around.

But sometimes it's as easy as this: two people just simply aren't meant for each other.

As much as it sucks that we got engaged, married, and started a pretty solid life together, I wouldn't change anything from the entire experience. I learned about myself and grew as a person, and I don't think any other situation could have transformed me like that did.

With all that being said, I just want to give hope to anyone who is going through a heart wrenching time. Whether you've lost a loved one, got your heart broken, or are in a phase of feeling single and unwanted, remember that He has a plan.

Take this time of heartbreak and healing to pursue your passions, learn about yourself, do things you never had time to do while you were in a relationship, build your friendships, or just do anything that makes you happy!

how to get through a breakup
I promise you there is a reason for what you're going through, and you are being molded to be an even better version of yourself. Don't let troubling times get you down, and don't be sad about being sad!

I think sadness/negative emotions are something that many people don't know how to deal with but embracing them, processing and dealing with them can be monumental in your growth and your sanity. If you don't genuinely move past this pain point, you're going to have a weight on your shoulders for maybe, ever. Who wants that?! 

I took a solid year after we decided to part ways to take time for myself. I wasn't dating, I wasn't being all that social, I grew as a person and took care of myself more than I ever had. I truly think that year of my life was one of growth, transformation, and self realization.

I know I'm completely blabbing but that's what happens when you speak from emotion.

I just really, really, really want anyone reading this who has a heavy heart to know that THINGS DO GET BETTER.

It's so incredibly easy to get caught up in your own horrible thoughts and feelings but be careful to not harp on them for too long! I wanted to share some ways that help me get over break ups in hopes that you may get some ideas for yourself or new tips to pass along!

10 Ways to Help Get Through a Break Up

1) Pray

Pray every single day. And multiple times.

2) Let Yourself be Sad

Cry it out when you feel like it, have some chocolate, be a lazy bum for a day or two when you're feeling down but with that being said, you also need to...

3) Take Care of Yourself

Exercise, read, go to the spa, check out some new restaurants. Do whatever makes you happy, in a better mood, and will help boost your spirits. Take time to get through your feelings in a healthy way. This doesn't mean eat or drink your feelings away, or act reckless and irresponsible.

4) Find Something to Focus on

After you've starting to sort through your feelings, do something fun and time consuming! Start a new hobby or create a bucket list of things to do. You can even dive into work (again, in a healthy way) if that's how you like to deal with things. Find something that works for you. For me, I started painting more! (I have a little Etsy shop, for those of you who may not know)

5) Hang out with Your Girl Friends

Surround yourself with great people who make you laugh and will be there for you to help get your mind off things. Join things like Meetup or Bumble for girlfriends to find new ladies to hang out with!

6) Move on When You're Ready

Maybe have some fun rebounds, or maybe wait around and date someone you're serious about. Whatever you feel is right in your heart, I think you should do (within reason - don't go Gone Girl on me, okay!?)

7) Don't Settle for Someone

Do not settle for a man (or woman!) that is not a genuinely good person. It's easy to get caught up in "bad guys" after break up or feel that you aren't sufficient enough for someone amazing and that IS NOT TRUE. It's okay to have high standards, know what you're looking for, and not settling for something less than ideal for you. I haven't officially dated anyone in 3 years and it has been on purpose. Don't feel like you need a significant other! Wait for someone who treats you right, makes you happy and a better person :)

8) Talk to a Professional

I love that we (as human beings) are pushing those in need to talk to professionals! There's no longer a stigma behind going to counseling and you should never be embarrassed by it. I've gone and it can be life changing! If you feel eh about trying to find a therapist in your area and going in for sessions, there are multiple apps and websites these days that you can use as an outlet!

9) Travel

After a break up, it's easy to go full on hermit mode and this is totally fine for a while but don't let yourself drift into a black hole of loneliness. Planning a trip will give you something to look forward to - whether you go alone or with some friends. If you don't want to spend loads of money going to another state, check out some hot spots near you and travel a couple hours to stay in an AirBnB for a night.

10) Pray

Yes, I'm putting this one again because I think talking to God is the biggest force to be reckoned with. I wouldn't have been able to get through my heartbreak without Him and my faith in Him to have bigger and better things waiting for me.

And in case you forgot: 

You are worthy, loved, wanted, beautiful, amazing, unique, and have been put on this earth for a reason! 

Believe in yourself. I know you can get through this.

Help us all and drop a line in the comments below on ways that help you get over a break up! And if you need someone to talk to or vent to, send me an email :)

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