My First Bumble Experience

Friday, January 25, 2019
first bumble experience in Dallas

Bumble is a weird world. Online dating is a weird world. And you might be wondering why anyone would venture into the unknown land of online dating, when all you usually hear are horror stories.

For me, it was mainly out of curiosity. And my first Bumble experience was one for the books.

[ if you read over the whole post, at least read the screenshots at the end for a nice laugh. I laughed the whole time writing this ]

After being in a relationship for about 4ish years, I missed the start of the Tinder and online dating epidemic that overtook this country. I had always heard horror stories (and a few good turnouts) from these apps and the concept was always interesting/weird to me. When I found myself in a state of being single again, I thought I would give it a try!

If you aren't familiar with Bumble, you can choose to match or pass on every person who pops up on your screen. If you both decide to swipe right (aka match with each other), you have 24 hours to start communicating or you miss out on your chance to talk to this person - which is a pretty annoying requirement, IMO.

The first guy I seemingly hit it off with was this guy named Tom*; he was pretty cute, rather talkative, and actually kept my short attention span interested. After a week or so of talking on the app, he asked for my number and we start texting. Texting turned into sporadic but long phone calls and he was easy to talk to, kept the conversation going, and I had no complaints. I was feeling pretty comfortable with him - comfortable enough to want to meet up!

We tried to hang out a few times and our schedules didn't line up so after a couple weeks of talking, we both happened to be out on the town on the same night; I was out with my friends Nicole and Ryan, and Tom was out with his brothers celebrating a birthday. As the night went on, he started calling me babe via text message which was really off-putting to me - this should have been recognized as the first red flag - but I tried to not think much of it. Tom ended up inviting me and my friends out to meet up with him and his friends and I thought that was a safe way to meet, while we're both in groups and not in a potentially very awkward first date.

When we get to the bar that Tom and his friends were at, he comes out and greets us. Gives me a hug and introduces himself to my friends - okay, cool. He was quite shorter than I imagined - every girl's worst fear but okay, still cool. We start walking inside and he pulls up two stools next to each other and basically sits me right down next to him - okay, not so cool, but okay. My friends go up to the bar to grab some drinks so Tom and I are by ourselves.

Within minutes - I kid you not, a few short MINUTES - Tom was all over me. Had his hand on my thigh, asking me weird questions like what I wanted in a man and just went straight to it. He was clearly a bit intoxicated which is never the best way to meet someone but hey, there we were. After politely shoving him off me a few times, he acts like he's getting up but then grabs my face and starts trying to make out with me - excuse me, what!? True life. This guy I just met within 5 minutes was kissing my face.

At this point, my friends are dying laughing at the bar and trying to get my attention to see if I need saving.... Yes. The answer was yes. More like, "yes, please come now" and Nicole caught on. She came over to me and Tom and asked if I would go to the restroom with her and Tom quickly answered no for me... No. No?! I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in control of my bladder. I try to scurry away with Nicole to the restroom and this dude bear hugs me and holds me down on my stool.

**PSA: I just want to add in that this was all humorous to me and I never felt unsafe in this whole situation. I would have exited much sooner if that was the case. And thank God my friends were with me and keeping watch. **

After about a minute or so, I get away and Nicole and I go to the restroom and strategize an exit plan. We couldn't think of anything to sly - and at this point I really did not care because I would never be seeing this guy again - so we decide to basically just dart from the bathroom an swiftly walk out the front, just as any mature adult would do (flee the scene). Nicole is texting Ryan who is still outside at the bar, makes sure they close their tab and Ryan knows the game plan.

When we left the restroom, we literally looked both ways, made sure Tom wasn't obviously looking in our direction and booked it to Ryan's car (LOL). Ryan was in the driver's seat with the car running and we got out of there within seconds.

I don't know if Tom actually saw us leave the premises but as soon as we left, I started getting missed calls and many text messages which unfolded below:

Moral of the story: Get off Bumble (lolz)

*Names have been changed to respect the unfortunate characters in this story.

1 comment

  1. Omg Stacy it was hilarious �� haha